This morning I was looking forward in attending a different church to see what it is all about, music,sermon, how many people attended.

I looked up this Pentecostal Church that is in my home town, to see if they have web site hoping to hear a sermon, or read statement of Faith (Beliefs) and some info about that church ect…there was nothing. Ok thought to my self still check it out and see what it is like.

Before I countie with this blog, when I frist attending church there was no drums,  just panio, and songs out of the song books not like the songs we here in church’s today. This was going back in 1995 that was 12 yrs ago. Music was enjoyable and I like attending there but things went down hill after few yrs. I stopped going I found another church from where I lived few yrs ago, I loved going there, awesome music, great people, sermons were awesome. The church I went to was called Sovereign Grace Baptist Church, when I just checking it out, I felt welcomed there, that I was part of the church. So I continued attending there for few yrs. But God had closed doors to that church and my home town I had to move away, and were I moved to it would have taken me 6 hrs to get there.

It was on and off finding a church where I moved, I did find one was attended for a while, but I end up moving again 30 mins away,that isn’t to bad but because of winter was coming I had to find a church that was close to were I did. I was attending to that church few yrs but few things has happened and I don’t want to get into it also I had haven’t been in church for awhile, its been on and off.

Now going back to this Pentecostal Church that I went to this am, well it never last. That church felt different then any other church’s I had been. The music, was not quite what I was use in singing and hearing them sing it was like they were not singing from their heart.  I don’t care if know one can sing on tune that isn’t the point it. If you saw what I saw and hear what I herd then this would make sence to you. It just was not the same. To me it felt gloomy not up bet, happy to be there ect…I felt not right being there, but in my own head I said ok just make it through the muisc just make it threw the muisc maybe the sermon will be ok but I just got up and left  after the money offering.

So right now no church to attend but that is ok as I will be away for few Sundays, and then maybe I will be back at it again.

There was a church that is 30 mins out of my home town I lissioned to a sermon or two and I know someone who attends that church, but it is in a home town were I hardly go to and don’t know much about, but will see or 20 mins to a church were I frist lived were I moved to.

I hope this was easy to fallow and I didn’t get you lost too much.




Quitting Coffee (caffee)

images-1 As I sit here sipping on my coffee while I am typing my blog of me quitting coffee. Why I am stopping because I think I am finding that it is bugging my tummy as it isn’t or feeling to well.

It’s going to be hard because I love my coffee, and once I thought coffee loved me but as you can see it isn’t loving me back.

I tried to stop drinking coffee once before I did really good that was yrs a go,back then I was drinking 10 cups,but I end up getting my self down to 4 cups a day two in the am and two in the evening then I stopped for a few months. Then I drank a cup and boy I was bouncing off the wall ect…then I was back drink 4.

Now I think it is time to say good-by, I tried the other day but failed. I was doing good in the Am no coffee and up until 3pm i had to because my head was pounding good. I tryed to lay down for a rest in hoping in waking up my head pounding would be gone. It never did.

I end up going to the store and got my self cup off coffee and as I was drinking the coffee my head pounding was starting to go.


.Here are some reasons why to quite coffee, I did a quick peek but will have another look once I get back. Here is the link from Hungry For Change  see link —> 10-reasons-to-quit-coffee



As I try to quite coffee for the reasons why I should, I ask you Lord to help me brake the addction I have. I know I will have with drawls from not dinking it, I just ask you Lord help me get threw this and to the point were I dont want to drink it anymore or even crave drinking this.

In this I pray and ask for your help, Amen



The Maker’s Diet 

This title of this blog is a book I was given to read wile I am away. It’s by Jordan S Rubin, this is my first time reading this and I am lot sure how long it is going to take. It has 297 pages, could I get this done in 15 days? I have hr waite at the air port, then 40 min flight to another air port then at this one I have 6 hrs to kill until my other flight leaves, then sitting on the air plain for 5 ish hrs to my finally resting place. If all gos well.
Back cover it says it is biblically based and scientifically proven. The Maket’s Diet uses a truly holistic approach to health.

This book will help:

  • Boost your immune system
  • Attain and maintain your ideal weight
  • Have abundant energy
  • Reduce stress
  • Improve digestion
  • Improve your physical appearance

Discover how Jordan Rubin’s faith -based journey from near death to vital health led him to uncover the timeless principles of world’s healthiest people. By following the makers diet , your health dreams ca become reality.
With having said that I will get in to my prayer so I can start reading.


Please help me worth threw the book, as I read it. I pray that you help me to grasp what is being said and remember what it says in the book. Let the words poor in to my mind, my heart help me to do this journey of weight los threw you. Help me to live a healthier life style then I am doing right now.

This I pray amen

My personal blog

Woke up way to early  3am, laying in bed with this thought flying threw my mind.

This personal journey finding the real me blog isn’t just on finding my self back in Christ, but this blog is also on my weight loss journey having HIM part of my weight loss. I know right now I haven’t been posting anything on my weight loss,it’s just been my struggling with my walk with the Lord and sitting on the fence.I have to find the right balance with it all.

I have to figure out how to mix everything all in one, having God with my in my weight loss journey in stead of me just doing this alone. As I know with this weight loss I have no clue what to be doing, the only thing I know is working out and watching what I eat and cutting back.

I may message a friend about this in few days because I truly don’t know, I want to do this right. I was think that I should see the doc to make sure that things are ok since I lost 60 lbs. When I started to lose weight I was 220 lbs, now I am 158 lbs. It’s been hard work lot of ups and downs,along with wanting to give up. But I kept push threw it all as people kept I cheering me on with positive words. I don’t want to over whelm my with everything,and I don’t want to cross the line were I don’t need to be crossed.

Just will have to see what comes my way on this subject and pray about it.

Change is coming,


Wow! This is hard, there is a change that is coming in finding the “Real Me”. The other day I posted a blog called “What does it mean?”

I am on this journey trying to find the “real me” Who is locked up or yet lost in side of me as a child of God or yet lost sheep.

One of the questions I have asked ” Do they want to find that person?” To asnwer that question yes, there needs to be some changes for that to happen. It isn’t going to easy, it is going to be scary. Because right now I am so mixed up on what is the truth and what isn’t the truth. Whom to belive, how much to say and what not to say ect.

Trying to find this person by pulling her off the fence and out of the darkness there are going to be some cuts,and few bumps along the way.

That one needs to do is download-8

I know that I need to put my full Armor of God on…and I know that He will keep me safe but I need to understand that to have FAITH that he will. That is were I am lacking in that area is FAITH, HOPE, TRUST. Just to let it go of living on the fence because it isn’t doing me any good.

Yesterday I spilled more beans that needed to be spilled in good kind of spilling. No one got hurt but eyes and heart was open more.

I had this fire that was burning inside of me for a long time, but the fire was geting smaller and smaller, then one day it went poof it was put out. Never to be started again,and I thought it was gone forever. This New sister in christ and God who has worked threw her to light that fire again,each time I am in that area the fire get’s little bigger.


I have been lission more to christian muisc, praying little more,reading bible little more,and because of that I may have found my bounce back, whistling, and singing christian songs that I don’t know all the songs to. I hope this last long time and keeps growing.


I am leaving in few days,but be back in 15 days, I hope because of my trip this wont all disapeire or that it all just flops and back to were I have been from the start.

Just have to trust and let it all be taken to the Lord.


May sound dumb this blog but right now it is what I am thinking in my heart and in my mind but to me I do thing so. I know with fingers cross that maybe this blog may have a turn around as when I get back there may be more changes.

Changes are good right?

What does it mean


What does it mean when ppl say they are trying to find the “real me” what are there thoughts, how are they feeling? What has happen or is happening in there life that they need to find the so called “Real Me”. Do they want to find that person? Are they ready to find out how real it can be.

The person must have been threw a lot of in their past and present, that they need time to heal even though they have gotten the help that is needed. But now I think when that person is healed as a person, I think it gos on to be more then that.

It may be hard to run from it or to somthing that may or may not be there. Or that it is time to just let it go, but if that person does what are they to hold on to. They know it needs to be done to be forgotten, how can that happen when it has been graved in them for so long, and that is all they know.

And sometimes it comes down to is the Satan can get a hold of those and could use them agents you. What is the diffrence with having him play around with things then with your own mind.
There is so much in trying to find the ” real me” it’s hard to know we’re to start and like sitting on the fence of not knowing what to do anymore.

Right now that is how I feel right now just as clueless then when I started.

Finding the right Church

As you may or may not know is that I have been going to church on and off feeling of not wanting to attend church anymore. Feel like I am not growing in Christ,but with that I guess I need to be counting going to church and among other things as well.

How does one find the right church? What make’s a church the right one for you? Once you do, do you have to have a membership to feel part of a church family?

Right now well for a wile I haven’t been growing as a child’s God.


I pray that you help me to find the right church were I can grow and walk in understanding your word. Were I can find peace,and feel like I am part of a church, where I don’t feel like I have to run away once the service is over with or even before it starts. Were I can make friends and call them my sister’s in Christ. Also a place were I can begin to heal and were I want to coniune on attending and wanting more. I know attending a church father isn’t all what is needed,I want to attend a church were I don’t need to fear of saying wrong things or were I can just be me and to be free.

Do I still countune going to the church I attend now. Help me to understand and here your answer. This I pray amen

To find out more about me see link Who Am I?

Journal entry #2 (updated)

This morning was good even thought I was up at 6 am and that it wasn’t that nice out. I had to take the trash out because know one was at home to do it. That was ok cause I had to get up to get few things done in the am.

This morning I was a good girl I read Our Daily Bread, for those who don’t know what that is it is a short devotional it was called ” Watchful and Alert. I wish I can sit here and explain to you what I read but I can’t because I don’t remember what I read and yet alone understood what I read due to my learning disability see top tab called Who am I will tell you more about me and my learning disablity if you have read that yet please go and do that now before you contiune reading my blog. If you have contiune in doing so anyway  that sucks,wish it wasn’t true but it is. Then after that I lissioned to insight for living called Feeding the Hunger:prasenting the truth part 3 and yes there was part 1 & 2 I lisioned to them as well.

There was few others I lissed to but I had to turn it off to rest my head from it all.

My mood was good up until 3pm, my head was pounding,my hands were shaking, I was cold, I end up having a hot bath to warm my self up. Before all that I took to pills to help with the pounding in the head. I end up fallen a sleep in the tub for how long I don’t know. I was left feeling back to my self around 5pm. I stayed home and not do anything,I am hoping I am able to go out for a run tomorrow.

I have few other things to say but I want to end this Daily Journal on a good note rather on a bad note.

Maybe tomorrow I will poor out what I am feeling and were I am at in my life as a christian plus sitting on the fence. I know I would have to change names and places for privacy and there will be a good chunk that I will leave out because it is something that I dont want to share.

For got to say this: Had my Auntie over for lunch as it is her birthday tomrrow, and today was the day that she was able to come over before I in few days. Anyway she started talking about somthing out of the blue she said hopfuly your plain don’t get boomed….I just let it go over my head,what in the world would she say somthing like that. I know she was joking (trying) to be funny but come on what in the world would one say that with all the junk that is happening.

Good night everyone as it was a good day. 🙂

Today’s Prayer


Please fill my heart, and mind with your words that you want me to say. I am weak in this area along with so many other things. Father, help me to walk closer to you and not allow the thoughts of satan to play with my mind in getting me to walk away from you. Help me to gard my mind and my heart.

Help me to live the life that you are wanting me to live. Right now father I am counfused with so manythings as a christian and also as a non beliver.

I know I can’t do this alone, and I know I am not alone in this battle but sometimes it feel’s like I am.

I thank you again for putting my new sister in Christ in my path.

In this I pray Amen

Short blog

This is short blog post today so here it is.

In few days, I will be getting away for few days and I am looking forward in doing so. As I can unplug from things that have been on my mind. Doing things over and over again, day in and day out, with that it can be little to much.

I will be sitting on a beach with waves crashing the shorelines, brids gliding with the wind, kids laughing while playing in the water and in the sun.

I am looking forward because of new face’s new experince, however were I am going I was there in 2014.

When back at home feeling refreshed,and relax I can put my mind on better things, such as my walk with God (hope) and also to get back in working out in lossing more weight (again with hope).

It’s been a wild year for me, with some good times and yet in some bad times. Gained new sister in christ (friend), greatful for that.

Well that is it from my end, I need to fly as I need to clean up and set few things up before my Auntie comes over for her early brithday brunch.